Sunday, June 30, 2013

The Spark

There has always been a path that I have laid out for myself: high school > college > job > publish books > grad school > career > PhD. It is a path that for the longest time I thought I was going to take alone; a path that I was determined to fight my way for. Then a funny thing happened: I fell in love. This caused my path to deviate a little bit and threw "get married" somewhere in between grad school and career. All these notions that I had about my life suddenly have this other person involved in it.

For a while I wasn't sure how I felt about this. Sure my thoughts on weddings and marriage had changed but was I really ready to be a wife? Was I ready to walk down that aisle and proclaim "I Do?" These questions have been swirling around in my head and I was assured by many a married friend that theses were normal thoughts to have. My life didn't have to be put on hold. There was just now another person, who was going to have the title of Husband, that would stick by my side and assist me with all those things I wanted to do. If anything it would HELP my path.

Then came yesterday afternoon when I got my dress. Sure I had tried on the dress before (in a size too small) but it wasn't MY dress. This one easily slipped on me, fitting my curves in all the right places and then I realized - this was exactly where I wanted to be in my life. Staring in the mirror as my Mom, Bestemor, Cousin, and Best Friend fussed with the dress, deciding where the bustle should go, it struck me. This felt so incredibly right and I couldn't help but be lost in this vision of myself.

Maybe that sounds a little vain - but I have worked my ass off to get this body of mine the way I wanted it and even my imperfections I found perfect. As the bridal consultant asked me if I wanted to try on any accessories (which I declined, I am not into "bling" at all) I still couldn't help but look in that three way mirror at all the details of this perfect dress that had found me. That right, it found me and is now part of me.

Right now I can see it hanging on the door to our extra bedroom. For the time being I didn't want to let it out of my sight. Every so often I admire it in it's beauty and smile at the thought of Grant seeing me walk down the aisle in it. Of course I will hand it over to my mom next week as Grant comes home on Saturday and I don't want him to see it. Now I know that wearing that dress while saying I Do to Grant has always been part of my path.


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