I am the first one to admit it: I am a control freak. When I'm not the one doing the work or getting things done I tend to hover over the person who is to make sure everything is done. I love working in groups, don't get me wrong, but I like to be the one in charge. Control over my life is another thing that I strive for. I want to make sure I have a firm grasp on it and can take care of myself. This of course means that I work my ass off to get the things I want and to take care of not only myself but the other people I have in my life.
The flip-side to this is that I have any amazing fiance who is always there to help but at times I'd rather just do things by myself. He and others have told me over and over that marriage is a partnership and that both partners have equal levels of control. This is going to be a tough one for me. I know Grant is completely capable of taking care of himself and me also but I need to learn to relax and let him take the reigns every now and then.
A prime example of what happens when I lose that control was yesterday. Many of you know that Grant's plane left Saturday night for Mumbai, India. Well it's monsoon season for them there now so his plane got diverted for over 6 hours to another part of India. It really doesn't seem that bad looking at it now but during the time the control freak in me was freaking the gosa out. See when he flies I always monitor the flights. United Airlines has an awesome app that sends you alerts when the plane has taken off, landed, and if anything changes.
The app even has a tracker that shows you a picture of where the plane is in the air. So imagine my surprise when I got the alert that the plane was diverted. No explanation just that it was diverting to another part of India. Well the control freak in me literally went crazy. I then for the next two hours started researching all the different airports, what was going on Mumbai for them to divert, and when it would all be back to normal. Eventually I found out what was going on - that the plane was delayed in Ahmadabad for weather and they would arrive in Mumbai when the weather subsided. Then came about 9 hours of me not hearing anything. The flight tracker wasn't updating, Grant's phone wasn't working, and the Mumbai airport didn't know anything about the flight. I know that I shouldn't have worried about it as much as I did - but I HATE not knowing what is going on hence the control freak thing.
Eventually Grant got to the hotel (after having an employee from the hotel itself pick him up) and right away called me on skype to give me the run-down. Turns out United doesn't usually fly out of Ahmadabad so they spent 4 hours getting the paperwork together to even fly to Mumbia. Grant and the other passengers spent the entire time just watching the in flight movies. He was fine and in the back of my mind I knew that but the control freak in me took over. He then went on to apologize for not calling but apparently his India cell phone decided to not work this trip. His regular cell phone worked within India but he couldn't call out of India.
Well that's where the control freak in me took over today. While he slept, regaining his strength after being on a plane for over 23 hours, I was fixing his phone so he could make calls within India and back to the US. Right now everything is good and he's preparing to go into work tomorrow (they're 9 1/2 hours ahead of us). This was just an extreme example of how when things are beyond my control I go a little bit crazy. Luckily in between all of the craziness I was with my Dad for father's day (of course updating my United app every 5 minutes and waiting for Grant to call). In the end things seem to always work out for the best and I've learned to get better at the controlling problem. Like everything else though, sometimes it just come raging back when the situation isn't even that bad in the end.
This is why I turn to Hoodoo. Hoodoo is the one thing that I feel that puts me in total control. I get to control all the elements around me and contain my world either to my altar, mojo bags, chalice, or anything else I want to use. Then everything within that world I have control of. So you better believe I broke out my black salt, candles, marbles, a piece of Grant's clothing and went feverishly to work on protecting him through the ordeal. It helped keep my sanity and in the end helped him get safely to where he needed to be.