Last night I was gripped with many emotions: anger, pain, anxiety, hatred, grief, and pride. All these emotions welled up inside of me and I couldn't calm them. After class I sat down at my computer and started writing. I must have written three different blog posts and erased every single one. One was a rant about how disgusted I was at the media. Another was about how tragedy strikes everyday around the world yet it takes something in our own backyard to get our attention. And the last was on how the first responders to this tragedy and others faced such horrors and yet remained calm and helped.
None of those posts made it to be published today. None of them seemed fitting to post; they were just rants and I didn't feel that it was necessary right now. Perhaps after the dust has settled and we find out what really truly happened that day then I will post one of those entries.
Instead I find myself writing about what I personally experienced yesterday when dealing with all these emotions. See they weren't all mine. Yes I felt all those things but it came from feeding off of others. Most of you know that I am an empath, meaning that I feel the emotions that others are feeling. Yesterday between watching the news and talking to my classmates during our lecture my empathy towards others started to overwhelm me. I held on to my usual amethyst stones and twirled my triquetra necklace with amethyst in it and it helped a bit but didn't calm all my nerves.
There were parts of me that wanted to take my iced coffee and chuck it at the wall. Other parts wanted to cry but I couldn't find the tears. Even other parts wanted to hug my loved ones and never let them go. These were not all my emotions. After a while I had to shut off any news source, social media, or even talking to my friends and family because I couldn't deal with it. I made sure all my friends were okay that were at the marathon and the surrounding areas and then I shut myself off. Today I'm back on social media for the time being but I don't think it will last very long. The empathy will most likely start up again.
That isn't the only piece though to what the tragedy brought up yesterday. All kinds of spirits were hanging around yesterday and oh did I feel them and in some cases see them. It started off with seeing a man standing in the corner of the basement of my office building. He wasn't doing anything, just standing there looking at the ground with a sad expression on his face. I knew that he wasn't alive. On the drive home I took my usual short cut to avoid traffic on Rt. 29/32 and the little boy that I've seen before at the bridge was there again. As I passed over the bridge he was suddenly in my backseat again like last time. It was both comforting and eerie at the same time.
Of course I went home and did the usual protection rituals just in case I had some less than friendly spirit visitors. My protection spirit was in overdrive mode yesterday. I could hear her sitting up and lying down on the bed over and over while I was in class. It was as if she couldn't get comfortable. Her hand was on my shoulder a lot too to comfort me but there were times where I could tell she was upset as well. My coffee grinder went off a couple of times and the fridge door kept opening and shutting.
When Grant came home last night after having a long chat with a coworker a calmness washed over me that only he could bring. This didn't stop all those feelings but it made me feel a little bit better. My skin still crawled and part of me really wanted to go for a run but it was late at night (also I was a bit afraid of what other spirits I could possibly run into).
Once again like the empathy, today seems to be better for the spirits. They have calmed back down and seem to have crawled back into their usual places. I've said it before: sometimes they're comforting and sometimes they're quite eerie. Needless to say yesterday was a trying day for everyone, not just me. Just wanted to shed some light on how these tragedies influence people; in particular how I feel since I do know first hand.
Today make sure you take with a grain of salt everything you hear in the media and remember those who had to deal with this tragedy first hand: the victims, victims' families, participants in the race, and the first responders.