Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Lobsters

At the age of 22 I was the happiest I had ever been. I had an amazing job, an amazing boyfriend (now fiance) that I had fallen completely in love with, I had been accepted into the GIS Master's Program at the University of Maryland, and I had published my first book. Things were beyond awesome but still there was something inside of me that was weighing me down. It literally felt like one of those anvils on the roadrunner cartoons that was inside my stomach. The thing was I wasn't being myself around my family.

My friends and some family (namely my brother) all knew who I was, knew the little quirks about me, knew the real me. My parents didn't. I never went out of my way to hide it from them but instead never said those words to them. In fact my whole life I never hid it from anyone; if anyone asked about it I would tell them the truth but I  never went out of my way to tell people. That was never who I was. Finally I decided that it was time, there was no point in letting that anvil sit in my stomach weighing down on my insides.

On a warm May day on the way home from work I swallowed hard and took the exit off of the highway to my parents' house. I sat in my car outside for a while (and pretty sure they knew I was out there since my bright blue Ford Escape isn't exactly known for it's inconspicuousness) until I finally mustered up the courage to walk up the sidewalk and the front steps to knock on the door.

That was my mother's first sign that something was up - I knocked on the door. I had had keys to their house; I never knocked on the door. My mom answered, I walked inside and then I lost it. Tears gushed from the eyes like a waterfall - something that rarely ever happened for me. I barely got out the words: "Is Dad home, I need to talk to you guys about something?"

Without skipping a beat this dialouge commenced as I walked into the living room:

"Were you in a car accident?"

"No."

"Are you pregnant?"

"No!"

"Did something happen to Grant?"

"No..."

"Well then what is it? What happened?"

"Well," I took a deep breath trying to stop the tears, "There's something that I've been wanting to tell you guys for a long time but I could never find the words."

"You can tell us anything, what's up? You're scaring me..." my mom said as she placed a hand on my back and my dad looked at me concerned.

"Well I... I like girls... as much as I like guys...."

There was a pause where my mom and dad just looked at me, then each other, then started laughing as my mom pulled me into a hug, "Is that all?" she said still laughing, "That's the thing that has you so upset, that you felt that you couldn't tell us?"

"Yes..." I said sobbing and trying to get over the shock of their reaction.

"You still love Grant right... he's the one you want to spend you time with?" my dad asked still sitting in his usual arm chair.

"Well yes, I fell in love with him but that doesn't stop me from still being attracted to girls..."

"Yeah, didn't stop me either," my dad laughed.

Then cue the lobster story - this was the go to story that my mom had for the subject of homosexuality. See she had a story for every - abortion, illegal immigration, you know all the hot button topics. This one was about her good friend Steve who she worked in the Senate with. See Steve was gay, and back then it was still a pretty big deal to be gay and work in the Senate. My mom was good friends with Steve and his partner. My mom and my dad went over to their Steve's house quite often for dinner. One dinner they served lobster and my parents still rave about the lobsters.

"They were really good, even for gay lobsters," my dad joked in that way he had that sometimes was never that politically correct. He thought he was hilarious.

So I sat there, after just coming out to my parents listening to them talk about lobsters, and the anvil slowly lifted out of my stomach. It was gone, never to return. I realized that I was scared for no reason; that anvil never had a reason to be in my stomach. I realized also that I never gave my parents enough credit.

14 comments:

Kallan Kennedy said...

Your parents are awesome... but, that's always been evident by the person that they've raised. What a great story- timely too!! <3

Sam Curtin said...

Thank you so much! Today just felt like the right day to post this. It has been sitting on my blogger dashboard for far too long. I wanted to share it with the world. :)

GlendaQ said...

I know I've heard this story before but I like that you finally posted this! Love you!

Sam Curtin said...

Aww, thanks! Love you too! We NEED to get together soon!

Sarah said...

This brought tears to my eyes this morning and I can imagine the lightening of the weight in your stomach. I'm married now, but my Mom adored my ex girlfriend (not really an ex since we didn't break up, just drifted slowly apart and took other partners, but I digress), but always brushed it off when I referred to her as my girlfriend. "Oh Sarah, you're just confused." lol. I love your parents' reaction. Hugs and Love and Bright Blessings to you!

Sam Curtin said...

Honestly I thought my parents would have the same reaction the whole "It's just a phase" or "You're confused" thing. Thanks for your kind words I feel great posting this entry after it was been sitting on my dashboard for so long! Hugs and blessings to you too, Sarah! :)

Vickie McNeely-Lesperance said...

Bravo and Huzzah to you for finding the strength. I didn't even admit to myself that I was attracted to girls until I was in my 40's. Since then I've never hidden it from anyone and actually been very vocal about it. But, I'm still not sure my parents admitted it to themselves.

Anyway, {{BIG HUGS}} to you and give those parents a HUGE hug as well. We all know they are pretty awesome, they made you, right?? <3

Sam Curtin said...

Thanks, hugs right back!! I think when I first realized I was attracted to girls and guys I was around the age of 14. It was when I was still in my Christian school and it was drilled into my head that that was a horrible thing. Took me until around 16 to actually come to terms with it and age 18 to actually start talking about it.

It's one of those things that to me is personal. I never was one to go around telling people but wouldn't hide it either. I'm the same way about my religious beliefs. I may be a loud extrovert but there are some things that are private. That's why I think it took me so long to post this story.

Bella Foxglove said...

Oh Sam...I so love you.

You are amazing and I am so glad that your parents were kind and understanding and supportive of you.

I never hid that I am bisexual...my parents just kind of ignored it, as do most people in my life. That is fine with me.

Kudos to you for sharing your story. I know that took so much to admit.

You know what's funny? I find it really odd when people are totally straight. I would say a good 90 percent of the people I know and interact with are bi or gay, throughout my entire life, and that is a lot of people. So when I talk to someone who is totally straight, it honestly surprises me for some reason lol.

Love, love, love you Sammi!

Jennifer said...

It does my heart good to read stories about wonderful, accepting parents like yours.

Good for you!

Lilac Wolf (Angie or Angela) said...

LOL - I thought you were going to tell them you were pagan. There is nothing odd about you - sexuality is not a one or the other thing, it's very fluid. It shows how confident in yourself that you are (a good deal thanks to your parents) that you understand and accept that. *hugs*

Sam Curtin said...

Aww, love you too!!

Sam Curtin said...

Thanks Jennifer, I'm glad this post could do your heart good! :)

Sam Curtin said...

Lol! Yeah my parents have known I was pagan (or transitioning to paganism) for a while now. It's funny though my Dad still does call it my "witchy stuff."

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