In my last post I talked all about adulthood and what the really means in a society. Between my thoughts and the comments of some other we pretty much concluded that adulthood is unique to each individual culture and society. Also it was pointed out that the “rites of passage” that I mentioned (sweet 16, getting a car, getting a job, etc) are not really “rites of passage” like the elaborate ceremonies in other cultures. The same can all be said about another rite of passage: Marriage.
Many of you know how I feel about marriage and if not think about how my journey into “finding myself” and becoming an adult has no mention of a spouse. It’s true I’m a very cynical person, but I’m talking about the concept of marriage as a whole, not love. Let’s take a step back and look at marriage in the United States first. First off we have crazy one night celebrity weddings, drunken Vegas weddings, weddings that are showcase for the parents of the bride, weddings that are broadcast nationwide and then you have the simple madly in love sharing their love with their family and friends weddings. Talk about a mismatch of ideas and practices yet the government still wants to restrict marriage (though don’t get me started on that issue…).
Now many of you might yell at me for this next part, but bear in mind that I’m looking at it from an anthropological perspective. Marrying out of love is something that has only become popular in the past couple of centuries. Marriage was, to many in ancient times, the same thing as their journey into adulthood. Girls would be married off at a young age for many different reasons and they were hardly ever love. There are many examples even in the Judeo-Christian Bible of girls being married off to satisfy their family debts. This still goes on in some societies around the world. So once again I point out that “love” and “Marriage” being intertwined is a newer concept.
So before one enters into a marriage they go through the rite of passage of the actual wedding. I happen to be one of those people who thinks the thought of parading yourself and spouse in front of hundreds of people to say “I love you” and want to spend the “rest of my life” with you (Yes they are in quotes for a reason, I’m not just quote happy) is an unnecessary measure. What I do like though is the rituals that many other cultures have that are associated with the wedding (imagine that a pagan like me who loves rituals…).
My favorite of all the wedding rituals happens to be the Russian wedding. First of all it is important to note that like in many European countries this is a multiple day event, sometimes even lasting a week. The first step in the wedding is the vykup nevesty which means “Paying of the Ransom,” and yes it is what it sounds like. The groom shows up with money or jewels to “pay” for his bride. This is all done in a very comical way even sometimes the bride hiding and him having to find her, or even a friend dressing up as the bride to fool the groom.
The next part is the actual wedding ceremony which consists of three parts: the optional traditional service, the betrothal and then the main service in either a church setting or the civil setting. During the civil ceremony, the parents give the couple two crystal glasses, which they break. The more pieces it breaks into, the more years of happiness they have. It is also customary for the married couple to release either balloons or two white doves to symbolize their love and partnership which is written in the sky for all to see. The bride also releases another balloon with her maiden name written on it, symbolizing her new life journey with her husband. After all of this the couple and their guests embark on a tour of the city where they have the opportunity to take pictures at historical landmarks.
Then comes the best part (well at least I think so): the reception. At the reception instead of toasting with champagne or wine like we do here in America, they toast with shots of vodka. The first toast is made to the newlyweds and after the first shot, the guests begin to shout Gorko, Gorko, Gorko, Gorko means “bitter.” To combat the bitterness, the couple must kiss for a long time. The second toast is made to the parents. Then the new couple dances the first dance of the night. As the night continues the guests dance, sing, play games, and make toasts (thus getting incredibly drunk). This celebration lasts several days, as the family continues to eat, drink, and celebrate. This part of marriage I could definitely get into.
The Russian example is just one in many elaborate rituals an ceremonies surrounding marriage. Once again though at its core marriage isn’t about love, religion or any of the other things it has been turned into. It is about two people entering into a partnership that they will both benefit from. Some marry out of necessity, some out of tradition and some out of love. Now we Americans marry out of love along with stupidity, drunkenness and greed.
Now let’s go back to the definition of what marriage is, which has to be broken down by cultures. There is no one umbrella definition for marriage which is why it irritated me when people use the argument “Same sex marriage is going to change the definition of marriage.” David Schwimmer, an anthropology Professor from the University of Manitoba says in the best. He talks about how in general, Western cultures consider marriage as “an exclusive and permanent bond between a man and a woman that is centrally concerned with assigning sexual rights in each of the partners and establishing parental responsibility for the children of the union” (Schwimmer 2003).
Traditionally, it also organizes parents and children into domestic groups in which basic roles are distributed. Variations and changes, such as same-sexed marriages, are seen as an affront to a divinely ordained order. However, other cultures have developed very different conjugal arrangements, which suggest “that other solutions to basic human problems have worked in different social contexts and that changes in Western patterns might not necessary lead to social and moral decay” (Schwimmer 2003).
So that fuels the fire that there is no one definition of marriage. Elaborate ceremonies and rituals aside marriage is something that is so much different at its core in so many different societies. There are some anthropologists that devote their whole life to studying marriage and trying to find out just what it is.
References:
“Defining Marriage” by: Brian Schwimmer, Department of Anthropology, University of Manitoba
September 2003
Many of you know how I feel about marriage and if not think about how my journey into “finding myself” and becoming an adult has no mention of a spouse. It’s true I’m a very cynical person, but I’m talking about the concept of marriage as a whole, not love. Let’s take a step back and look at marriage in the United States first. First off we have crazy one night celebrity weddings, drunken Vegas weddings, weddings that are showcase for the parents of the bride, weddings that are broadcast nationwide and then you have the simple madly in love sharing their love with their family and friends weddings. Talk about a mismatch of ideas and practices yet the government still wants to restrict marriage (though don’t get me started on that issue…).
Now many of you might yell at me for this next part, but bear in mind that I’m looking at it from an anthropological perspective. Marrying out of love is something that has only become popular in the past couple of centuries. Marriage was, to many in ancient times, the same thing as their journey into adulthood. Girls would be married off at a young age for many different reasons and they were hardly ever love. There are many examples even in the Judeo-Christian Bible of girls being married off to satisfy their family debts. This still goes on in some societies around the world. So once again I point out that “love” and “Marriage” being intertwined is a newer concept.
So before one enters into a marriage they go through the rite of passage of the actual wedding. I happen to be one of those people who thinks the thought of parading yourself and spouse in front of hundreds of people to say “I love you” and want to spend the “rest of my life” with you (Yes they are in quotes for a reason, I’m not just quote happy) is an unnecessary measure. What I do like though is the rituals that many other cultures have that are associated with the wedding (imagine that a pagan like me who loves rituals…).
My favorite of all the wedding rituals happens to be the Russian wedding. First of all it is important to note that like in many European countries this is a multiple day event, sometimes even lasting a week. The first step in the wedding is the vykup nevesty which means “Paying of the Ransom,” and yes it is what it sounds like. The groom shows up with money or jewels to “pay” for his bride. This is all done in a very comical way even sometimes the bride hiding and him having to find her, or even a friend dressing up as the bride to fool the groom.
The next part is the actual wedding ceremony which consists of three parts: the optional traditional service, the betrothal and then the main service in either a church setting or the civil setting. During the civil ceremony, the parents give the couple two crystal glasses, which they break. The more pieces it breaks into, the more years of happiness they have. It is also customary for the married couple to release either balloons or two white doves to symbolize their love and partnership which is written in the sky for all to see. The bride also releases another balloon with her maiden name written on it, symbolizing her new life journey with her husband. After all of this the couple and their guests embark on a tour of the city where they have the opportunity to take pictures at historical landmarks.
Then comes the best part (well at least I think so): the reception. At the reception instead of toasting with champagne or wine like we do here in America, they toast with shots of vodka. The first toast is made to the newlyweds and after the first shot, the guests begin to shout Gorko, Gorko, Gorko, Gorko means “bitter.” To combat the bitterness, the couple must kiss for a long time. The second toast is made to the parents. Then the new couple dances the first dance of the night. As the night continues the guests dance, sing, play games, and make toasts (thus getting incredibly drunk). This celebration lasts several days, as the family continues to eat, drink, and celebrate. This part of marriage I could definitely get into.
The Russian example is just one in many elaborate rituals an ceremonies surrounding marriage. Once again though at its core marriage isn’t about love, religion or any of the other things it has been turned into. It is about two people entering into a partnership that they will both benefit from. Some marry out of necessity, some out of tradition and some out of love. Now we Americans marry out of love along with stupidity, drunkenness and greed.
Now let’s go back to the definition of what marriage is, which has to be broken down by cultures. There is no one umbrella definition for marriage which is why it irritated me when people use the argument “Same sex marriage is going to change the definition of marriage.” David Schwimmer, an anthropology Professor from the University of Manitoba says in the best. He talks about how in general, Western cultures consider marriage as “an exclusive and permanent bond between a man and a woman that is centrally concerned with assigning sexual rights in each of the partners and establishing parental responsibility for the children of the union” (Schwimmer 2003).
Traditionally, it also organizes parents and children into domestic groups in which basic roles are distributed. Variations and changes, such as same-sexed marriages, are seen as an affront to a divinely ordained order. However, other cultures have developed very different conjugal arrangements, which suggest “that other solutions to basic human problems have worked in different social contexts and that changes in Western patterns might not necessary lead to social and moral decay” (Schwimmer 2003).
So that fuels the fire that there is no one definition of marriage. Elaborate ceremonies and rituals aside marriage is something that is so much different at its core in so many different societies. There are some anthropologists that devote their whole life to studying marriage and trying to find out just what it is.
References:
“Defining Marriage” by: Brian Schwimmer, Department of Anthropology, University of Manitoba
September 2003